Grandpa was looking much much paler than usual
And I knew something was wrong
Sleeping in the basement all day long
I noticed Gramp's change around the time that we began dating
Was it just coincidence?
These peculiar events?
The way the Grandpa just seemed to float through the room
And our town's sudden shortage of crypts and tombs
Now you're telling me there's a skeleton in your closet
And an ex-boyfriend with fangs
Upon whom our future hangs
What's with dragging me to this big, black castle in the sky?
What's with introducing me to this thin, pale, pasty looking guy?
And he's got no garlic in the pantry
And he's got no mirrors on the walls
And he looks like some dude off of a cereal box
Making snide remarks about the way that I talk
He always goes for the throat
Then acts like it's some kind of joke
So I punched him
Right in the face
I socked that bloody sucker right in the face
Crafty big sleep bucker
Creepy daylight ducker
I decked that motherfucker right in the face
And then he was a bat
And he carried you away
I drove a stake right through my grandpa's heart
If you didn't think that I was serious, now you know I'm serious
I drove a car out to where you are
And he'd hidden you at the dead end of a maze
And he filled the maze with
Minotaurs and heccubi and succubi and vampires and frankensteins
And he filled the maze with
Chimeras and gameras and godzillas and hippogriffs and Santa Claus
And he filled the maze with
Poltergeists and predators and aliens and zombie dudes and Teen Wolf, too
Hang on IÕm gonna find you